Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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