Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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