Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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