Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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