how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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