Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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