ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
