My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hippo gnu deer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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