I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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