why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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