tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize