every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize