I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
