Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
