haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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