She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I want her autograph on my taint
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
