i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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