life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
