sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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