I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
