I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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