i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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