I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
