So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
