walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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