Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize