You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
