she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
bring money and cleavage
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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