He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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