I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize