I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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