mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
