Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
