OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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