ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will pee on everything he values.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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