Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
