Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
