Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
