I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
