At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
