i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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