Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
