I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
