Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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