I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
