Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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