My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
