You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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