the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
