let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
