Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And then he peed in my hair
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