yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
