my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
