are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
