Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
