Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
