People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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