True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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