i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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