I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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