Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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