i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
