making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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