omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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