Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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