I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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