You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
