Just cropdusted the office
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
