She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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