Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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