We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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